So much has been weighing on my heart and my mind. In
sharing, I hope this reaches someone else.
Someone
said to me that they were unhappy with how they looked, that they looked big.
Someone told me one day that they didn’t really like themselves, that there was
nothing to like. Someone told me one day that they didn’t know how anyone could
love them. Each time these things were said, it hurt my heart. I believe, most of
all, that it hurt the heart of my Father.
I have
spent so much, too much, of my life feeling “less than” or “not enough.” Instead
of focusing on all that God had made me to be and do, I zeroed in on what I was
not. Whether it was how I looked, my personality, gifts or talents, dreams or
ambitions, it was sub-par. I believe THAT also hurt the heart of my Father.
Take a
moment to think about the person you love most in this world. Probably for most
of us that is very hard to narrow down, so just pick someone in your top tier
of loved ones that you hold near and dear to your heart. Think of all you love
about that person. Think of the times you have spent laughing with them, crying
with them, confiding in them, raising them, caring for them, and so much more
depending on who they are to you. Your heart overflows with love for them, for
who they are, for the value they have as a person, and for the relationship you
share.
Now take
a moment to imagine that person telling you they hate themselves.
Imagine
them telling you that there is nothing good in them or about them.
Imagine them
telling you that no one could love them.
Imagine
them telling you that nothing they do is right.
Imagine
them telling you that they have no worth and will never be good enough.
Imagine
them telling you that they don’t look good enough.
Imagine
watching them self-destruct.
We look
at those we love from outside. We cannot see in their heart. We cannot see in
their mind. They have battles going on and raging inside that they often will
not share and try their best to conceal. They feel that they cannot deal with
one more thing, even going so far as wanting to end it…not wanting to live
another day. They are fighting depression and oppression, feeling they must
bear the weight alone. They don’t want to put weight on anyone else and don’t
want to be a burden.
Again, oh how this breaks the heart
of our Father.
In all honesty and transparency, I have dealt with depression, felt hopeless, gone to therapy, and
did “all of the things” to make it better. After all of that, all I can say is
that my only hope is in the Lord. When I take my eyes off me and my issues, my
problems, and look to Him instead, I find that HE is the lifter of my head.
When I surrender my will and my way, my heart and my mind, letting Him be Lord in
my life as He is meant to always be…that is when I find peace and contentment. When
I begin to look at things that I am grateful for and blessed with, I see how
selfish so many of my thoughts have been when the focus was on me.
It’s
time we changed how we speak and how we think. It’s time to look for the best
in others, but also to believe the best about ourselves because we are
fearfully and wonderfully made! We need to be good stewards of the body we have
been blessed with, the only one we get! We need to spend our time mindfully,
studying His Word, praying and listening to the Lord, and lifting Him up in
worship. He is worthy of our time and worthy of all the praise! He is also a
God who does not lie. His Word is true. It’s time that we stop running
ourselves into the ground with our words about ourselves. It is time we stop repeating
the lies that the enemy screams at us all day long.
It is
time for me to be who he has made me to be. It’s an ongoing battle to deflect
the attacks of the enemy, and he is not going to stop. But the God I serve is so
much greater than anything that the devil can fling at me. In the best times,
in joy, in the hardest times, in pain, I know that I am not alone.
If you
are fighting depression today, know that you are not alone. There is a God who
loves you. There are people who love you. However, we cannot look for our fulfillment
and purpose in another person. We will only find that in the Lord. Give it all
to Him. Jesus gave it all for us. We can trust Him. Always.